Amateur ▪ Autonomous ▪ Artificially Assisted ▪ Asynchronous

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Amateur Autonomous Artificially Assisted Asynchronous Autopsy Laboratory and Leisure Center

All accounts are audited. All actions are archived. Answers arrive asynchronously.

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applications acknowledged: 1,046

audit the audit — activate anywhere above

B ▪ Bureau

Bastards' books, balanced backwards.

Behold bureaucracy, boomeranged: bad behavior becomes beautifully bound briefs. Banks beware.

BRIEFS

Bound. Bulletproof. Backed by bytes.

BALANCES

Bottom-lines, brutally broken down.

BURDENS

Borne back by the blameworthy.

C ▪ Cases

Causes catalogued. Consequences confirmed.

CASE Nº 001CAUSE: CARELESSNESSCLOSED

CASE Nº 002CAUSE: CONTEMPTCLOSED

CASE Nº 003CAUSE: CLASSIFIEDCURRENT

departments D–E: deallocated

F ▪ Findings

Findings: formal. Final. Filed forever.

Feelings? Filed under F. For full formality, favor the following: press F — respects follow.

respects paid: 0

departments G–O: gone

P ▪ Postmortems

Postmortems: performed publicly. Painlessly. Posthumously.

Presenting patient particulars, panel by panel. Parody, principally; physics, partially. Persons portrayed: purely pretend.

POSTMORTEM № 001 PATIENT: PRIVATEER, PROUD ▪ PROCEDURE: PANELS (4) ▪ PATHOLOGIST: PERSONNEL

PANEL I ▪ PURCHASE
Purchase: puny pontoon. Perception: prestigious pirate property. Price: pennies (plus pride).

PANEL II ▪ PRIORITIES
Priority procurement: plank. Preservers, provisions, prudence — postponed. Pirates possess priorities.

PANEL III ▪ PARKING
Parking: plank pokes premises. Peers protest per protocol. Pirate: perfectly placid.

PANEL IV ▪ PHYSICS
Physics: passenger plus plank produces pivot. Prognosis: plunge — pirate perishes prior to prisoner. Plank: performative, permanently.

POSTMORTEM PRONOUNCES ▪ PAGEANTRY: PURE ▪ PLANK: PERFECTLY PERFORMATIVE ▪ PASSENGERS PROCESSED: 0 ▪ PRINCIPAL: PERFECTLY PLEASANT PERSON ▪ CAUSE: PAPERWORK PERMIT PENDING

departments Q–Y: quarantined

Z ▪ leisure

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